As BIPOC and/or immigrant women, we are often embedded in very different social worlds with completely different value systems that make our daily choices difficult.

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Here's a mundane garden-variety example: for me, as an Iranian woman, networks of family and friendship are extremely important. I have an extended family, here in MN, who are always (I am telling you ALWAYS!) having a get-together. I also love the Fall colors in Minnesota with all the blasting shades of red, pink, and gold! My extended family is spending this weekend up North to see Fall colors, by Lake Superior. I really want to go, but I am also stressed out about my research and some looming deadlines.

 

Should I stay or go? I often don’t enjoy these family gatherings when I have a deadline which is…Yes…You guessed right! Always… I always have deadlines!

 

How should I reconcile my love of nature and family with my love for philosophical research and my desire to succeed, in particular in the US, an extremely success-oriented society? My values obviously clash! Which ones do I choose, at this point of my life when I am still a junior academic?

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This is a very simple choice, but the majority of our lives are made out of these small choices. And then, there are the big ones! We will talk about the big ones in a second! My point is that the quality of our lives is largely based on how coherent our values are and how they guide us. The question is how should we choose our values? What are our authentic values and how should we apply them in any given situation.

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By `authentic values', I don't mean something mystical, divine, or pre-ordained. I mean values that we have endorsed consciously and reflectively, so whatever choice that we make, we are fully behind it. So we don’t live half-heartedly and don’t lose our energy in sabotaging choices that we made yesterday!  Going back to my example: I can go on the trip or stay, but, if I stay, I should spend my energy on my work rather than regretting that I am not seeing the Fall colors with my family. If I go, I should be present with my family and the Fall leaves, rather than stressing about my deadlines!

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This is only possible, if I fully endorse my choice. For this kind of certainty in choosing a path, I need a fine-tuned inner compass. That is what this retreat is about. In a sense, our work is to make and remake our inner compasses and then refine and fine-tune them. But, I couldn’t call the retreat, “find your compass and if you don’t like it make a new one and then fine-tune that new one…”. It is just less catchy!

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We need these fine-tuned compasses to navigate this world, because it was not particularly set up with our needs in mind! Just think about how our society regards women, women’s bodies, women's reproductive choices, women's work...Just think of all the women who have to make a choice between their careers and having children, that is a big life choice!

 

Now, think of an everyday choice that most women face over and over: choosing an outfit for a work function sometimes. That can take a lot of your time! You might need to look put-together, but not too pretty because you want to look serious too! How much makeup will you wear?

 

Women’s make-up-free faces are now somewhat normalized, but in many work-environments you are still considered a bit disheveled if you dare to show your natural face to the world! And what if it is the opposite: that you love wearing make-up but you work in a very male-dominant environment and a lot of make-up makes you even more conspicuous! Will you use your stunning turquoise eyeliner next morning when you are getting ready to go to work?

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​Add being a racial/ethnic/cultural minority to the mix. You might navigate this world with many different compasses pointing to a whole lot of different directions. For instance, the conception of an ideal romantic relationship shifts dramatically from one culture to another, from one generation to the next. What is your conception of an ideal relationship?

 

Then think of your life in a larger sense. What do you want your life to be about? What do you want to experience? What do you want to contribute to the world? Where do you want your life to go? Why are your compasses pointing to all these different directions?  Some of them might be old, some may be broken and some may not even get you where you want to go! 

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  Let’s make you a functioning compass and fine-tune it!

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